38

So probably anyone other than my family thinks." Two weeks from your due date, getting close." I (and my family are thinking, Why is she not here yet? for real?) I NEVER expected to be seeing week 38. Needless to say I have been so overly anxious this week to get her here.

I am walking every day
Cleaning
Even when I am tired, I try not to rest.
Cory told me I am crazy. And I am.

On Thursday I had my Dr. apt. (when you are in the last month of pregnancy you have them each week.)

I got there and they brought me to my room and then I waited. And while I waited, I thought. I thought about how tired I am. So very tired. I have been pretty much running non-stop since I found out I was pregnant. It has been nice because things went by fast, but difficult because.....I am tired.

I thought about taking a nap while waiting, I even tried to lay down. That made me think about the fact that, currently, I cannot lay down. If I do two things happen 1) Anything I have had to eat tries to come up 2) my hips hurt like crazy...this one is more to blame on me slipping on the ice in Feb, pregnancy just does not help it.

So then I thought about how nice it would be to be comfortable in my body again. Then I thought.....if I were to go in to labor soon, I could get an epidural and take a little nap before pushing her out then eat a good meal after and not be sick to my stomach. I have heard of people doing that, and it sounds marvelous.

I thought, and thought and thought about all the things I am so sick of with pregnancy and how I look forward to being done with them. And how I want to be home with my girls so bad instead of working. (I love my job, however, I am excited to have a short period of time home with my family.)

Then the Dr. came in and did the typical check up. Which is not super enjoyable, especially since apparently this baby is really really low.

And she said, "Well, when she does come, I think it will be fast. So, don't hang out at home. Just get to the hospital." Which, is good. But its not. "Oh, baby is coming now. Lets go to the hospital." (not that I really expected that.)

I replied, "Well, hopefully she comes soon."

To which she replied, "Yes, hopefully. But if not, I will see you next week." and she left the room.

And. I cried.

Yes, I cried. Why? Probably because I am crazy. And because after allowing myself to think of all the things that are making being pregnant right now so difficult, I just wanted to know that I would not be pregnant anymore. One week is usually not that long, but at that time, it felt like an eternity. I. Do. Not. Want. To See. Her. Next. Week!.

And yet, here I am, a day later (only one day?!!!) still pregnant. Most of the day I was doing anything and everything to get her to come. Then Cory finally told me to stop. He said I was making this whole thing worse for myself. And, I think he was right.

I am not saying I love everything, but if I keep focusing on why I no longer want to be pregnant, every day,hour,minute and second I remain so will drive me crazy. So......here I am. I am still pregnant and....that is ok. Or I am hoping it is. I want her to come so bad, but I will stop trying to make her come and just let her come, when she is ready and healthy. It is no longer worth my sanity. Sigh.....I still hope she chooses to come before October 6 though. here is to hoping.....