37

So this is what it feels like to just want baby to come? Every time I feel a contraction, I anxiously await and hope for another.....no deal. I feel pressure like no other and hope my water will break....no deal. Go to the Dr. and even she says, "wow this baby is REALLY low." Makes you think...man she is ready! No deal.

See, last time I was all set and ready to go to 41 weeks. Everyone said it was typical for the first baby to go past the due date. No problem. But now, this baby is already a week past when Jocelyn came. Sure, it would be ideal for her to stay in a little longer, but to me, this is the end of pregnancy. I don't like this whole, uncomfortable, unable to sleep, unable to bend down and pick things up, feeling sick and HUGE thing. Its not my favorite and I didn't have that with Jocelyn so it is new. And annoying. But I also know its good........eh.

Then there is Jocelyn, this girl can tell something is coming. For the most part she is super excited. The last two mornings she has said, "I want to see baby sister in the hospital!" The baby dolls that she was given when she was a year old that she never gave a second glance now go everywhere with her. every. where. She takes care of them, like baby sister.

But she is also VERY clingy to us. She cries when either of us are gone.

As I give her a hug and leave for work...she follows me, grabs onto my leg so I cannot walk and I have to pry her off and close the door to my sobbing child saying, "No go to work! Mommy, no go to work!"

I have been working since she was 6 weeks old. She has had a few tough moments but has not been like this. It is heart breaking. Then Cory drops her off at daycare. And she does the same to him, and he tells me...."you can have the baby any time now so I don't have to drop her off." It kills him to see her like that.

And it makes me more impatient. Not for me, but for my family. Do I think it will be a piece of cake being home with a baby and Jocelyn? Absolutely not. Especially because we know Jocelyn does not make anything a piece of cake.  But I will get to be home with them and be the mom that does not leave for work, even if it is just for a short time.

So here I am, done with pregnancy. Getting excited at anything that remotely resembles anything I felt last time I went into labor (maybe it was better to have no idea what to expect...) thinking....hopefully tomorrow's apt is my last. Or maybe I won't even make it! Why I do this to myself...I have no idea. But here is to hoping! (Just watch...she will go to 41 weeks.....)