I would love to be articulate and have an eloquent way of expressing my feelings. But for now I will just write.
This last weekend was a tough one. I was prepared for the anniversary of September 11. Think of where I was, how terrifying it was and how many people have sacrificed since then. I was subdue. Prepared to honor the memory of those lost.

Then, on Thursday I was informed that a friend from a close family back home was missing. Later that day the news came back that he was gone. Just a little over a year after his niece. 18 months since Steven.

That coupled with the fact that the last month Steven has been on my mind so much and that I am starting to live in fear of the winter for that is the most difficult time for our family, I had a tough weekend. But not as tough as those mourning loved ones who are no longer with them, so I felt guilty.

I remember the day we found out about Steven, it was terrible. The following weeks and months were terrible. I felt that it shouldn't have happened and no one quite understands. However, I never hoped or wanted anyone else to understand. And now one family understands, and not once but twice.

I have little to say. I feel helpless. I want more than anything to take the hurt others feel away from them. But I cannot. It is confusing. Why? The question that I am sure many are asking. All I have are two things that have been getting me through the last 18 months. A scripture and a song.

"But that ye have ^apatience, and bear with those ^bafflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." Alma 34:41 (this scripture was recommend to us by Cory's uncle. I am grateful to him for that.)

No One is Alone

Mother cannot guide you
Now you're on your own
Only me beside you
Still your not alone
No one is alone
Truly
No one is alone

Sometimes people leave you
Half-way through the wood
Others may deceive you
You decide whats good
You decide alone
But no one is alone

People make mistakes
Father's, Mother's
People make mistakes
Holding to their own
Thinking they're alone

Honor their mistakes
Everybody makes
One another's terrible mistakes

Witches can be right
Giants can be good
You decide whats right
You decide whats good
Just remember

Someone is on your side
Someone else is not
While we're seeing our side
Maybe we forgot
They are not alone
Cause no one is alone

Hard to see the light now
Just don't let it go
Things will come out right now
We can make it so
Someone is on your side
No one is alone

* (from reprise but the verse that keeps me going)
Sometimes People leave you
Halfway through the wood
Do not let it grieve you
You decide whats good.


I have no words of strength or advice beyond these. I know that if I am patient (though it is often very difficult.) and if I remember that "no one leaves for good" that I can make it through the wood. I just pray for others that they will be blessed to make it through the wood as well.

So there you have it. My random ramblings that probably make no sense. But I do feel a little bit better.